Boxing up my life

I’m boxing up my life. The life I’ve collected for the past 9 years. Some of the time it feels freeing. Like I am de-cluttering and untangled from so much. Some of it is hard to put behind me. From either ¬†too much love or to little love.

As I pack up the love along with the hurt it all mixes together. The love though, always pushes the boxes of sadness, anxiety, and misunderstanding that’s happened throughout the years aside. This house nurtured key parts of me and ignored other parts of me. Can I let it all go with calmness? With love? With gratitude? Every home deals with what we’ve dealt with- some of the best and worst times in our marriage happened in this home. But I feel like it protected us and brought us back to each other time and again. It let us shelter ourselves in on hard days and enjoy it’s outside adventures on good days.

As I told Porter and Beckett that it is our last night here we decided to talk about our favorite memories in this house. When the conversation started to wind down Porter said, “Mom I’ll probably cry when we leave this house.” I said, “Me too.” Then we both started to cry. We have the same sensitive heart. I can feel in Porter my same sentimentality for life-our life. So, we cried and hugged over this coming change. We kissed our walls. Tonight-together- change felt impossibly hard. I am giving up predictability to better feel life. Not knowing is our home now.

I tucked the boys in tonight knowing it is the last time in these bedrooms. I looked around at the scattered toys and metal bed frame and the years felt like they had slipped by. It seems endless when I think of the nights we brushed teeth and told bedtime stories. How many nights I closed this bedroom door and let out a big sigh from the day. You can never remember the beginning of things but you always remember the end. Tonight it’s not goodbye but simply goodnight.

 

7 Comments
  • Derek
    Posted at 14:16h, 29 May Reply

    What a great place to park our family for those years.

  • Cindy Cannizzaro
    Posted at 14:22h, 29 May Reply

    Blessings for your new journey. Remember it’s not about the destination, it’s about the Journey. I still watch Beckett’s shopping adventure whenever I need a smile. Thank you for that.

  • kris parry
    Posted at 15:58h, 29 May Reply

    The incredible, over the top Spooky Party’s & hunting for bad guys with Porter and Beckett are memories I will cherish forever.
    I love you and your beautiful family M’Kinzi. God bless you, and keep you safe.
    Thank you for kissing the walls..I did the very same thing when I moved.
    xo,
    auntie kris

  • Barka
    Posted at 09:08h, 04 June Reply

    i worked with children (12 children, aged between 5 & 12) like social worker as public welfare. I can understand this sensibility and this appropriation of places. When they know they have to leave this place, all things inside become so important, so essential for them.

    • Kenzie Tillotson
      Posted at 12:53h, 05 June Reply

      This is very insightful!

  • Melinda Clayville
    Posted at 02:48h, 11 June Reply

    We’re starting the same process. We’re selling, donating and tossing almost everything we own to move overseas and start a new job. It’s nice to hear others’ experiences. Can’t wait to read more!

    • Kenzie Tillotson
      Posted at 15:31h, 11 June Reply

      Where are you moving too?

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