Mar 14, 2017 my inner critic
I had a rough morning yesterday. I over slept. Missed my Pilates class, barely had time to run a brush through my hair before all 3 kids were awake and dripping in grumpiness. At breakfast I am snippy, the boys are fighting and I just poured their bowls of cereal when I realize I am out of milk… fruit, bread, and eggs! At this point some very unlady like words are coming out of my mouth. So I decide to call my closest friend. She knows my heart better than anyone and replay the details of my morning to her.
She responds, “You know… I just don’t think you are cut out to be a mom. You are impatient and scatter brained and they deserve better than you.” “CLICK”
These were actually my own thoughts, the way I sometimes speak to myself when I am feeling weak and defeated by the day or the morning.
My inner critic is to keep me focused on SELF, and usually the most insignificant pieces of myself. I tend to head straight to the brains torture chamber. Taking in every detail, maybe adding some lemon juice to maximize the sting. Then I obviously need to take a picture so it will last longer and I can go over it again and again. As long as I am being honest here the last step is to medicate with a chocolate bar. The whole process distracts me from living, loving, and serving by magnifying and constantly reminding me of my insecurities and weaknesses.
- What triggers my inner critic?
exhaustion, comparing myself to others, unnecessary expectations I make for myself , perfectionism,
- How does it make me feel when I listen to this negative self-talk and absorb it as truth?
Joyless, angry, unfulfilled, unworthy, shameful, sad, guilty
I’ve started to mindfully redirect my thoughts by:
- Reminding myself of my beauties and strengths. What makes me amazing?
- Write a message of gratitude of all that I HAVE been given.
- Remember all those who love and cherish me despite my flaws and weaknesses.
- Remind myself, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, it is enough… I am enough!
- Write that I am perfectly created for MY individual purpose.
I think about the times in my life when I felt perfect peace, when my inner critic was silent and my body, mind, and spirit were connected.
I feel it every time I deliver a new baby into this world.
I feel it when I am actively engaged in service to others.
I believe we feel it when we are using our bodies for the purpose they were created: to love, to serve, to raise our families, to learn, to play, and to have joy. I want to learn to speak to myself with love and compassion. If I can do this for myself then maybe a little part of me can inspire the wider world to smile and feel peace with themselves too.